Umm I'm too high to move.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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