I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
