i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
