3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
