Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
