Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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