Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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