The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i drank out of a bidet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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