Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
