how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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