he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
