Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
