Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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