She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
