Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
