What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
