I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
