I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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