Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
