i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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