Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
