dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
