weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize