Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
