Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
