Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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