So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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