Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
