a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
