I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
