Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
