he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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