if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
