none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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