I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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