Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
