Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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