Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
