no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
pray to the hookup gods
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
