I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
