My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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