So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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