I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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