btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
