Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
