she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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