Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
