Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
