so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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