The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
