I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
