I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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