At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
