Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
