so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
