3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
