I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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