i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
