...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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