he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
