so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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