After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
