Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
