dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
