How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
